Sometimes my life seems lost without you.
I knew the day would come – the day that I would lose you – but I didn't think it would come so soon.
Too often the pain is so unbearable, digging deeper, until it feels like a cavernous hole in my heart.
Some days I can't explain it but I miss you even more. I can imagine exactly how you'd be sitting on the couch, exactly what you'd say to me in a certain situation or just see the expression on your face.
It doesn't matter how fast or how slow the days go. Because none of those days bring you back.
I always imagined all these great moments in my life that some way, some how, include you.
Sometimes it feels like I just haven't seen you in awhile. Maybe living away from home for too long makes it seem like that could be possible. But then I remember that you're never coming back and I hold back my tears because the world expects life to just go on. So many emotions I can't express. Thoughts I have to fight back. Because if I only think of you, I feel immobile. My body and my brain. All consumed with the pain I feel inside. The pain I hide each day. In every moment. In every thought.
Perhaps it would be better to imagine your only just not here. Right beside me. But the yearning I have to hear your voice, the need to have you wrap me in those heroic and influential arms. The want to look you in the eyes and thank you for being more wonderful than you ever knew you were.
The world seems so dark without you. So empty. So meaningless. And each day I'm losing hope that I'll ever truly be happy again.
I wish I could just tell you about my day. It's so often I tell stories about you. How you inspired me. Helped me through a hard time. Or just helped me see what I could be. Live up to my potential.
I could never fathom losing you. I had no idea the amount of immense pain I would feel. The happy memories that would become something I couldn't shake.
