One week...

Your beautiful granddaughter is one week old today and while I'm so sad that you aren't here to hold her, kiss her, love her...I am so thankful that I am.

I know you were watching over me one week ago today. The experience of giving birth was incredible (and a little painful) and something only a mother can understand. When they handed her to me and she laid on my chest for the first time, those big beautiful eyes stared back at me and I could see myself in her but, more importantly, I could see you.

I didn't realize that moments later, with mom by my side, I would come so close to never being able to stare into those eyes again. But I knew you were there. Watching over me. Making sure I would be alright. And as the light faded in and out, I spoke to you and, for the first time in two and a half years, I knew - I mean truly knew - you were with me.

I don't even know how much time passed before I woke up and I finally was able to hold her again. She slept peacefully in my arms and I cried. Grateful to be able to cherish those moments with her and grateful to have the most amazing angel watching over us.

It's been awhile

It's been awhile. I've had so much on my mind over the last nine months. From that night I found out I was going to become a mom and every day since then. And now, as I sit in the hospital awaiting the birthing process to truly begin, your picture by my side, it's really real that you aren't here. I remember the excitement the day you became a grandpa when my handsome little nephew was born. And the look in your eyes the first time you saw his face. And it makes me sad that you aren't here to meet my sweet little Chloe. You were the most amazing dad. And I know you would have made the most incredible grandpa.