12 Years Later

So many regrets I hold, if only I had been told

I’d never get another chance – only a backward glance

Of the mistakes I made, words I didn’t say

If I could rewind the time, maybe you would be fine

You’d still be here, holding your grandbabies close

But that’s not my reality – I was served a different dose

Instead, all I feel is grief

Emptiness, sadness, the pain is deep, no relief

I want to scream, I want to cry, but what does that do?

No thoughts, no emotions, no actions will bring back you

I’m angry – maybe you shoulblogd have tried

Harder to stay, harder to live – but instead you died

You just left

Right in front of me – you took your final breath

The image I can’t unsee

The empty sound of your chest I can’t unhear

The doctor looking at me shaking his head, letting me know all hope was gone

The sound of mom’s screams when I told her your life was done

Knowing it was on my watch, wondering why you couldn’t stay

No belief in God but still hoping I’ll see you again some day

It will never be enough, though – to make up for all this time we lost

You took that final drink, Dad – but at what cost?

How can I blame myself when it’s your disease that took you?

12 years later and I still can’t accept that’s true

A huge hole that makes it feel impossible to live

To just hear your voice or get one more hug – what I wouldn’t give

Yes, of course, I know you’d want me to move on

But, Dad, life just isn’t the same with you gone