Impossible

Life seems impossible.

It's sometimes easier to forget than to face reality. I'm jealous. I'm angry. I'm sad.

Jealous for those who still have their dad's in their lives.

Angry at the ones who take that for granted.

And sad for those who never got to experience life with their dad.

Life seems impossible.

I'm not sure I've accepted that he's really gone. It's not something I'm sure I want to accept.

Acceptance creates reality. And the last thing I want is to come to the realization that I'll never hear his voice. Never feel the comfort of his fatherly hugs. Never watch him coach his grandchildren.

I know these things. Surely, I'm not in complete denial. But, every once in awhile, I'm able to not allow it to consume my mind and smile. Not let it be my only memory of him and live.

But life still seems impossible.

I guess it always will. It's as though there's a tornado going on in my brain. I'm fighting the thoughts that want to escape. Keeping them locked somewhere deep in my mind. As my exterior shows this person who is much stronger, much more ready to face life than the person who is really here on the inside.

The person behind these walls.

I miss you...

I miss the comfort of your voice,
The warmth in your smile.
The security of knowing
You’d never leave my side.
Always supporting,
Never losing faith.
I didn’t ever think
I’d lose you some day.
It feels impossible to laugh
And really feel it at my core,
Because no matter how many memories I have,
I know there should have been more.
More joy, more adventure, more moments, more life,
More time, less hurt, less pain, less strife.
And now, I’d give anything just to hear you say,
I love you. I’m proud of you. Have a great day.
I wish you could know how much you were loved.
And, even though I know you’re watching us from above,
It’s not enough to keep me from being sad
Because life just isn’t the same without my dad.